8 random facts

1. i sometimes hate my friend. she cant stop talking about herself. everytime i see her, she talked constantly about herself. if it is not about herself, it will be about the guys she has been hanging out and banging. if it is not about them , it will be about her shitty colleagues. if it is not about them, it will be about her dates and how she has dates with different guys and every weekend. if it is not about them, it will be about her speed dating group and how much she loves meeting random strangers (and i believe some of them are creepy). if it is not about them, it will be about her new dress or top or make up or hair or whatever. everything has to be about her and the universe circles around her. no one else matters.

2. i dont complain. no matter how much i hate doing things that i hate. i dont complain. i embrace it. i try to enjoy it. i try to make the best out of the worst situations.

3. i m in love with this guy who dont even notice me. i mean he notices me, but he dont notice me. we have been friends for quite sometimes and i always make an effort to be at his every show. but he seems to look the other way round. i m trying my best not to be hurt by the things he is doing. i dont want to tell him how i feel about him because i know he will never feel the same way. so i m being an idiot and now, i m his support system. he said i m his support system. it is maybe because i m always there for him. frankly, i m tired of being there for him. i feel so stupid. so i m gonna stop being there for him. i have been living in shadows of someone i could never have a chance on.

4. i dont share my personal feeling with everyone. i dont even share my personal feelings with my good friends. why? because they all cant be trusted and i have trust issues. i used to tell my feeling to this one friend. i told her not to tell anybody. she ended up telling all (okay la not all but some) my friends about it. later, i found out that they laughed at me behind my back. huh. so much for being good friends and i swear i wont tell anybody kn. since that, i never tell anybody anything. i dont share my deepest darkest secret. that is why i start this blog and remain anonymous.

5. i still cant figure out the things that i really want to do in my life. i think i have no hala tuju. i used to have an ambition but it is too stupid. i have no idea what i want to be. i dont even know what i really like in this life. i think i dont deserve to grow up. sometimes, i feel like a total loser. i think i m a typical loser. compared to everyone else. i m a loser.

6. i seldom think about my happiness. i always think of others. i seldom think about myself. i always think of other people. i m always afraid that every decision that i make will effect other people therefore i always think of others before i make a decision. that is why sometimes i do things i dont like to do. if it makes other people happy, i will do it.

7. i cant say no. i m learning to say no. but i cant say no. i just cant. sometimes i wont because i dont want to disappoint other people.

8. there are the other side of me that people dont know. some people i know still think i m still the same stupid person they know years and years ago. i never show the other side of me. i have many different sides. with different group of people, i have different personalities. and i talk differently to.